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longing to stray


I miss New York I miss New York I miss New York I miss New York.

I know where I belong.

So this is it…I’m leaving the city in less than an hour, and I’m having a really hard time with it. I just feel so alive here, my passion and my heart and world are so alive in this city!! I don’t want to wake up and not have to walk out into these crazy streets. But I’ll go back to Texas, because that’s where I need to be now, and learn and enjoy it for 2 more years, and then I’m back. I’m so back.

This summer has been one of the best summers of my life, I’ve met some of the most wonderful people and learned things that will impact me forever. I’ve had experiences that I’ll never forget and I’ve realized that I belong here. I’ll admit, when I knew I’d be in New York for 6 weeks I was a little worried that maybe I would end up figuring out that I don’t want to actually live here, like people always say, but it’s the complete opposite. I’ve fallen, which I didn’t think was possible, even more in love with New York City. I was here 42 days and I barely skimmed the surface of all the things there are to do here…you need a lifetime to do everything, you need to be here every single day and live it. And my classes have just made me so excited to come back and jump in…it’s going to be so hard. It’s going to be so incredibly hard, but I’m exhilarated at this moment, and no one can take that away from me but me. I feel like I have an idea of what I need to do to get where I want to be, and it just feels so good knowing that.

I’m scared everything is going to happen without me. I want to BE HERE. But I know where to go next, and it, God willing, will lead be back to this truly wonderful place.

So to CAP21, you have changed me and helped me to improve and I can not even begin to express my appreciation for that. To all the beautiful and talented people I’ve met here, I love you all so very much and I know that it is not good bye for us but see you later. Because I will see you all later, back in the city, but for good this time. And to New York City, wait for me. And Broadway, wait for me everyday. I’ll be back, and I’m going to blow you away. And this blog has been so much fun, I hope everyone has enjoyed it as much as I have. I’m truly grateful for these past 6 weeks and I’ll never forget them for as long as I live! I’ll be back!! As soon as possible!

brooklyn bridge.

Today was my last day of classes at CAP. It was so strange. I feel like we all treated it as if we were going to have fun this weekend and then get up Monday morning and go to class again…but that’s not what’s going to happen. I think it’s because most of us know we’re going to be back, and pretty soon. If there’s one thing I’ve realized from being here this summer it’s that I can not wait to get back. And I mean I’ve always said that, I’ve always talked about how I can’t wait to move to New York City, but now I know. I know that there’s something missing until I’m back here.

So dance was fun, it was our last classes with Marilyn and Maria, and I just have had such a great time working with them, they’ve taught me so much and I feel like I’ve settled back into place as a dancer because of them and Michael. And right before lunch, everyone in the program came into studio one and we all performed for each other and it was such a blast. Just having an audience, even if it was just all my friends at CAP, well not JUST but you know :P, it was so thrilling and fun!! So that was awesome. Then I got coffee, I’m sadly discovering the wonder of sweet n low, just a side comment, and a bagel and rehearsed for my afternoon classes. Musical scene study was fun, we performed all our scenes and everyone has really improved so much and in audition tech we did comedic/specialty songs with our sub, Janet, and it was great.

Then me and Sean said good bye (for now) to CAP and literally RAN to the subway to get to Times Square to try and win lotto for Next To Normal. We got there in under 15 minutes…hell YEAH. We didn’t win :/ but we got the 40 dollar partial view tickets and were in third row orchestra against the far right wall. So we missed just a tiny bit of the stage left stuff with Natalie and Henry but I swear, I LOVE getting the partial view seats, I’ve felt like it was totally worth it every time I’ve gotten them. Speaking of Next To Normal, I’m so glad it was the last show I saw in NY this time around, it’s such a BRILLIANT show! I’m obsessed with Tom Kitt, he makes such beautiful music, and I’m also really glad I got to see the new cast with Marin and Jason and Megan Fahye (spelling) before I left. They were really good, it was interesting at times, and I liked certain things better about the new cast and the old cast, if anyone wants to hear it I’d be happy to discuss in detail, but overall it was really fantastic and I cried like a baby. Marin Mazzie and Jason Danieley’s chemistry is just so perfect, I mean that’s obvious, they’re married ha, but it makes it that much more moving for everyone watching. I want to play Dan so badly :P Before the show we ate at Shake Shack finally, and it was super yummy, I wish I had gone earlier in my stay also, but the line has always been out the door since it’s a new location. We also tried to find silly bandz but only found the off brand. And I will not settle for that ha.

After Next To Normal, Sean and I went back to his apartment and then met up with Beni and Daniel and headed to Brooklyn for Dumbo. We ended up in the Brooklyn Bridge Park and the view was just beautiful. I swear, I could’ve sat there forever…

just looking at it now is making me want to not get on that plane tomorrow..and then we walked the Brooklyn Bridge back over to Manhattan and it was a wonderful way to end this truly amazing time.

THIS IS NOT MY LAST POST. I am going to post again tomorrow before I leave, and then I’ll probably leave this blog at that, since it was meant to document my summer here in New York. Which has in fact been one of the best summers of my life! But stay tuned…and like I said, I might not get on the plane tomorrow, I might blog from New York City for the rest of my life :P I know for sure that will happen in two short years…*sigh* good night!

in a new york state of mind…

Today it began. The tears. The beginning of the departure. It sucks. Like, really badly. Today was good though, just sad.

Tap was amazing as usual, Michael taught us a combo from Tap Dogs, a tap show he was in, and it was really stompy and rhythm based, which I love, and then that was it with Michael Raine. And it was utterly (to use one of his words) depressing. But he said such a wonderful thing as we were leaving..he told us not to be sad (in a totally nonchalant matter of fact way) because we’d all be back, we have no other choice. I loved that. It’s so true, there’s no way I won’t be back in this city as soon as possible. But anyway, so that got me tearing up and then I went to vocal tech, which has been absolutely incredible, I feel like I’ve learned as much from Rosemary in 5-7 minute sessions every class for 6 weeks as I have in my entire life. She just has a gift for teaching, and her class has been eye opening. And at the end we had a group hug and she said really nice things and I got to crying again and it was just terrible. However, I might skype her to get some lessons over the next couple of years :P and I DEFINITELY want to take with her when I’m back in the city. Listen to Rosemary, she knows. Belting is not bleeding. One God, two placements. I’ll never forget how wonderful she and her sayings are :) Acting was fun, we all ran our scenes and everyone did really well, we pulled it together! And vocal performance was also good, we all sang and then we surprised Bill at the end of class and sang a very spontaneous Seasons of Love ha.

After class, Sean and I got iced coffee because we were about to fall asleep (I am running on very little energy right now, I’ll sleep for a week when I get home) and then went on a search for silly bandz. I’ve decided I want some. Sean’s friend Robert gave me a pink butterfly one the other night, and I want more. I’m on the bandwagon, it’s what I do. Alas, we didn’t find any before we had to go to Chat’n’Chew to meet our group and Bill and Barbara. We had dinner and it was really fun! We got to talk to Bill and Barbara about all kinds of things, I swear I could listen to their stories about the business forever. And after, a group of us attempted to go to Dumbo and the Brooklyn Bridge but we took the wrong train and had to backtrack and all decided to go home instead of trekking back over to Brooklyn. Because it’s SOO far and all :P we’re going to try and go tomorrow, because I really do want to see Dumbo before I leave. Although I’ll be back, no worries if I don’t see it. No regrets.

I can’t believe though that in not even 2 days I’ll be back in Texas. I feel like I just got here, and I’m just breaking through, I need more time! There’s not enough time in the world to be here, I need to be here for an open ended amount of time. So although I’m excited to go back to school and everything, two years can’t possibly go by fast enough. And I need to write everything down when I get home. This blog has been so much fun to keep, but I also want everything written in a journal…I think that’ll be the first thing I do when I get back, since I’ll be in a deep depression anyway :P I’m such a drama queen.

Whatever, sue me :)

at dinner and on the subway!

luck of the irish

Today I was lucky. There’s no doubt about it…Beni and I were very lucky. And it was awesome.

I got up and left early this morning to make copies of some music and I got a croissant and iced coffee from Pret A Manger…and I still stand by what I said about it being the best croissant I have EVER had. Seriously. And then I had ballet, which went well except for my frustration with using my upper thigh instead of inner thigh to lift my leg, but what’s new there, but Marilyn told me something great, not to think too much about it but just to let my body find it. Which is genius, I really need her around all the time to tell me the little things that will instantly make me a little bit better. And jazz was great too, we talked with Maria the whole time about dance auditions and all sorts of theatre business dance related things, which was great because I feel like we’ve mainly got the singing audition talk and the dance auditions are a whole different ball game. She also told us something that I thought was fantastic…she told us to always remember that our talent is something that we all just were given, and we didn’t do anything to get it, we just got it. We nurtured it and worked hard to improve it, but we just got it and so we should never be egotistical about it since we didn’t do anything to deserve it. It really puts things into perspective, looking at it that way it’s just like Michael says in class, everyone on Broadway is just like us except with more success. So yeah. There ya go! And in business of theatre we talked about tax write offs, which was fantastic. I actually can’t wait to figure out everything I can deduct, being an artist is great that way haha. That class freaks some people out but it just exhilarates me so much. It makes me want to leap out there and start auditioning and “building my business” as Michael puts it. I swear, he is my hero…and in musical scene study we ran our scene and it was really fun…and then me and Beni literally ran to the subway station at 6 trying to get to 44th St. by 6:30 to enter American Idiot lotto. And that’s when we started getting lucky…

So we ran…like RAN, it was a bit crazy, and as soon as we got to the subway platform the Q rolled up, we jumped on, and two stops/12 minutes later we hopped off and made it to the theatre. It was insane. So we entered the lotto and were juts standing there waiting for 6:30 when my friend Drew and his friend walked up!! I haven’t seen him the whole time I’ve been here and he lives here so we talked, and they put in their names to help us out, and Drew won…so we got second row lotto tickets! And let me tell you, not only do you need to see that show multiple times to take everything in, you have GOT to see it that close up! It’s a rock so fun. Seriously though, I just love Michael Mayer so much…there is so much to see, and so many underlying things happening…I discovered 4 or 5 things tonight that I had never seen before. It was great. Oh, and in Jesus of Suburbia, Michael Esper kicked one of the beer bottles that they drink in the scene and it hit me in the face. Like, literally flew into my face haha. It was quite funny. And after the show he came over to me before he walked offstage to see if I was alright, which made my night. Loooove him. Speaking of, I just have to say, his acting blows me away every time I see the show…we sat on his side of the stage tonight and I watched him, since he sits on the couch most of the show, and he is constantly doing something, furthering his part of the plot, and always so actively in it. And at the end, during the whole homecoming number right before rock’n’roll boyfriend when he sings, he’s just so moving. He sits there, twisting a blanket in his hands with tears just streaming down his face. I swear, I couldn’t take my eyes off him…

So after the show was over, we decided to go stage door Trust since we didn’t get to on Sunday, so we’re standing outside and who should walk by but Natalie Weiss. So we talked to her a little bit and it was great, and then one of our accompanists from CAP, Barbara, walked by and we talked to her…then the cast came out. We talked to Zach Braff first, he was SO cool, exactly exactly how I imagined he’d be, and we talked about the play and Scrubs and such. And we talked to/got pictures with Bobby Cannavale and Ari Graynor, and then we met Sutton. And I couldn’t feel my legs. I might have creeped her out a bit (what I do best) by telling her how she was my #1 hero but more than creeped out I think she was flattered so that was nice :) and we talked about her character in the show and Anything Goes and that was it. I’ve waited my whole life to meet Sutton Foster, it was definitely a surreal moment. She is just so fantastic. I love her so very much!

And after that, we went to Juniors and I drank like 4 glasses of water because I had been talking/screaming all night. And now I’m back in my dorm and I feel like I’m going to crash any second. I’m so exhausted and happy and depressed to leave and excited for the next few days…I’m a mess. So good night everyone..and good night New York!

there will be light…

give me pain if that’s what’s real,

it’s the price we pay to feel…

I’m revisiting my love for Next To Normal…Daniel and I ended up singing most of the songs when we were rehearsing today, and that score is just so beautiful. It really is. I REALLY want to see the show again before I leave with Marin and her husband, but I don’t know if I’m going to have time :/ DANG IT, I’M SO MAD I HAVE TO LEAVE! Why should I have to leave the best place in the entire world?

I’m going to be so depressed when I get back to Texas.

Like I’ve said before, I miss everyone, but this place…THIS PLACE.

Anyway, today I had tap, which was awesome, I learned to break some habits, do some tricks. It was wonderful as always, I love love love Michael Raine. Then vocal tech was also awesome, I sang pop rock today…and I’m realizing that I really love singing/the way I sound on pop rock. And being here has made me discover that and also how important pop rock is becoming in this business. And it’s interesting because it’s quite a different approach, but not completely…haha. I’m excited to work on it more in the future though, and be able to go to auditions with it and such, because I’ve really grown to love and accept that it works well with my voice! And acting was fun and vocal performance was awesome. I sang “Just a Housewife” from Working, and it felt so good. The song is gorgeous, I really love Craig Carnelia, and it’s such a great acting piece, not to mention I really connected with it and so I had a fabulous time performing it today.

And after class, I had to go buy a new phone charger because I left mine in the wall at the hotel this weekend :/ and then Daniel and I went to Artichoke with Kellie for pizza…and it was AWESOME. We had spinach and artichoke pizza, and it was some of the best pizza I have ever had. So delicious. Everyone should go there. Next time I’m getting crab pizza ha.

Daniel and I also TOTALLY saw the cash cab!! It was so exciting!! We were just walking down 14th and it pulled up right by us, two really excited girls got out with cash, and two cameramen ran past us to video it…it was so cool!! I wasn’t sure if the cash cab actually existed, but we definitely saw it!! It was awesome. Now I just need to figure out how to get in it..ha.

There it is!!

And after, we went to rehearse our scene for musical scene study and then ended up just playing and singing through pretty much the entire Next To Normal song book. And it was wonderful. And now my voice and I are tired and satisfied and off to bed!

this is the best place in the whole world

So I’ve just been giddy with NYC happiness the past couple of nights…my summer is wounding down, which is making me horribly depressed, and so my remaining days are seeming to try to contradict my depression and are turning out to all be incredible. So that’s good. The going back to Texas part? Not so good. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I miss everyone, but I’m afraid of missing things here…everything is HAPPENING. I don’t want to leave and have it move on without me!

So yesterday night, I went to see Trust with Kellie!! YAYYYY And before I sit down in my seat who should walk up to me but my friend Sarah from back in the Wack!! I knew she was in town but had no idea she was seeing Trust that night! So we talked and it was awesome, and then the show started :) I was beyond excited. And guess what…it was fabulous. I love Sutton Foster. I love her. Sutton Foster was Sutton Foster as you have never seen her before, and I highly recommend everyone go see the show!! And Zach Braff was brilliant as always…I think he is truly fantastic, he’s just so good at balancing the humor and the drama, which to me is the mark of a really awesome actor, and it was just such a treat to see the entire cast. Everyone was really really great. I was so happy :) And after there was a talk back scheduled, which we thought meant with the cast, but it was actually with the director, which was still cool, but we ended up missing Sutton and Zach at the stage door :( but that’s okay because I’m going to go back just to stage door and it will be perfection :)

So after the show, Kellie and I were going to Declan Bennett’s show at Rockwood Music Hall, and Sarah came with us!! Yay!! It was so cool to meet up ha. And so we went down to 2nd Ave and saw his show, it was really great, I love his music, his lyrics and voice are really beautiful and the venue was really small and intimate and it was just one of those NY moments, truly spectacular. And Theo Stockman sat next to me, he was there for the show, and I will admit, I was QUITE excited haha. It was pretty much the best night ever. Sigh. So happy.

And then today we had classes, ballet and jazz were fun as usual!! And we had our last day with Bobby today for audition tech and it went really well, and our last day of music theory, and I swear, I’ve learned so much in those two classes! It’s crazy…

And after class, I met up with Meredith and we went to Five Napkin Burger, which was DELICIOUS, and then went to see one of my teachers at school, Thomas Ward’s, play Binge. And a bunch of Baylor people were there and it was so fun to hang out with everyone that I usually see in Texas for a little while in NYC! And the show was GREAT. Thomas did such a fantastic job, and the acting was wonderful, and it was just a great great show! And after the show, I headed back to my room to practice for vocal perf and acting tomorrow…and it was another successful, beautiful night :)

I can’t handle thinking about leaving…I will put it off. Good night!

my touristy weekend with the fam

Wow I haven’t updated since Wednesday…WHOA. That is because I haven’t had internet since then…my mom and sisters came to NYC to visit this weekend and I stayed with them at the Marriott Marquis :) and it was so very lovely. We were on the 38th floor with a fantastic view and I was a tourist for the weekend. Ha. The end of the week was fun, in jazz we learned a contemporary dance and a hip hop dance and in tap we did a fun FAST combo that was awesome. And I ended up picking a Hair audition for my Friday audition tech class and it went really well! I sang a Kate Voegele song (love her) and he thought I dressed appropriately and picked a good song and presented myself and my voice well for Hair. So I was happy. I got a bad start on my second song, Missing You from The Civil War, but I fixed it and learned my lesson so that was good too.

Then Friday night, I went with my family to see Mary Poppins, and it was so good!! I cried, I’m a baby yes, but it was so magical! And uplifting, and like, amazing what they did onstage. It was like magic. Exactly what Mary Poppins should be. And then I took them to Pinkberry and it was fantastic, I’m going to miss that place so much. I do have Mr. Sno back in the Wack though, so I’ll get my fro yo with fruit fix. Then Saturday, we got up and did the Wicked Behind the Emerald Curtain tour, which was really cool actually. They talked about creating ANY Broadway show almost as much as creating Wicked and it was all very useful and interesting. It also made me want to see Wicked again ha. After that, we went to Stardust Diner, which is always fun, I got sang to by a cute waiter, you know, all that haha. Then we saw Promises, Promises which was really fun. Sean Hayes is HILARIOUS. I really loved him. And KChen is wonderful as always, and KATIE FINNERAN. Omg. She was so amazing. Everyone has been saying that to me, just wait for her, just wait. And seriously, she was hilarious. I absolutely adore her. And the dancing was REALLY fun. The only thing was that the music felt a bit outdated, it all sounded the same, it was fun, but..idk. I’m so glad I saw it though, it was really fun. Then we went and did some shopping WOO and then we tried to win American Idiot lotto tickets for Mackenzie and me, which we didn’t win, so we bought them at TKTS and my mom and Elizabeth got tickets for Mamma Mia. So Mackenzie and I went to American Idiot, and there was an understudy for John Gallagher Jr., Tony Vincent, AND Mary Faber…so Mackenzie was a bit bummed but THEN, they were all really really great. Van Hughes was on for Johnny and he really rocked it. It was my second time so I didn’t really mind seeing an understudy but seriously, he was really really fantastic. And Joshua Kobak was on for St. Jimmy and Leslie McDonel was on for Heather, and they all did fantastic! I enjoy seeing understudies, because you know they’re going to be good…they only get a few chances and they’re always so excited!! Theo Stockman also wasn’t there :( but Gerard Canonico did his track so that was fun to see! All in all, I really like that show. And I liked it better the second time, you take more in that way. And I just adore Michael Esper. Adore him. It was really fun. And then this morning we got up and took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty and then ate at Juniors before they left for the airport! It was really fun!

And so I was supposed to go to Coney Island today, but A) it’s rainy outside and B) I forgot my key so it took me like 45 minutes to figure out how to get into my room :/ I ended up picking the lock on my bedroom door, yeah that’s right, I picked the lock, and so I finally got in. So today I think I’ll chill for a bit before I see TRUST TONIGHT!!!!! I have the tickets in my purse, they belong to ME. I can NOT WAIT. YAY!